If you ain't chillin, then we ain't kickin it.

Most of my stories start this way (and so does this one): Today, when I was out walking Allie...
There was this woman sitting on the ground leaning up against a building and I've seen her before but never really said anything. But today, she said, "I like your dog." I responded, "Thanks!" I really should have just kept walking....cause then she says, "my sister has a dog and you know what she calls it?" Me: "no, what?" Woman: "my mom and dad have both been married twice and then ended up back together and they are in Hawaii now and my sister is married to a rich man and they live in New Mexico and have a big house and I'm here smoking on the street, she has everything that was my dad's she got it all and my dad was left with shit and then she got two teeth pulled and had fangs put in and she's down there in Danville and I'm a (some word I couldn't understand). I am part Italian, Native American, and who knows what else. She is there is f-ing Danville with her f-ing rich husband in their big house and all my dad's stuff. I see what goes on on this street and I never say anything. What they do is their business. I could place a citizens arrest but I don't do it. Like what you do with your dog is your business and what they do is theirs. I'm not gonna mess with them. That's why there are cameras everywhere. They'll come after you. Do you have a dollar?" Uhhh....no.
I'm sure she said a lot more, it was a lot to process. And I never found out what her sister calls her dog. :(
One the way back I took an extra loop around the block in hopes she would be gone but to no avail. Also, when crazies call you "little mama" and you don't respond they get annoyed. I didn't know that was my name. Once I realized it they asked if I had a boyfriend. Yes, he lives on the corner of Mason and Ellis, kthanksbye.

The Fray

I went to my first concert up here on Monday! It was so incredible. I saw The Fray at Fox Theater in Oakland - an amazing venue if you are ever in the area and wanting to see a show.
I got the show slightly early and met an awesome couple. The woman gave me some great tips on places to go by myself where I would feel comfortable and meet some great people. All in all the show was a success, The Fray was so wonderful, I've had them on since the show!
Back to the crazy that is the TL...I was out the other day and there were two women walking together and one stopped to tie her shoe. She was...in the middle of the road....so the other woman says, "You can't tie your shoe right there!". The shoe-tie-er responds, "I don't give a damn." To which, the woman says, "You don't have a damn to give!" I had to walk away quickly cause I was laughing.
So yesterday, Billy and I went to go take pictures, go to a candy store, and then out for Taco Tuesday (I know, the makings of a great day!) And we decided to make the day even better by adding in some frozen yogurt. Straight glory. We were sitting in the fro-yo shop and this couple walked in and the woman turns to the man working and asks him what the flavor "original tart" tastes like...Well, I'm pretty sure it tastes like plain yogurt...not only that but there were sample cups almost touching her hand. Maybe it was her first time in a fro-yo shop. I wanted to advise her just to get the cookies-n-cream cause we all know that's the best. But they just left. Their loss - that fro-yo was the best I've had here. Speaking of dairy products, I also went to a wonderful old fashion ice cream shop over the weekend. It was fantastic. Totally worth the car ride with a Christmas tree on my lap. I'm gonna leave that as is and let your imagination fill in those blanks. Andddd I just realized my laundry is still in the dryer downstairs. So that's all for tonight! Sweet dreams everyone!

The Fruit of the Loin

Believe it or not, I am making some real friends out here, not just crazy bum friends. And I was telling my new friend, Billy, about this blog. I said I called it "Life in the TL" and he recommended "The Fruit of the Loin." I am considering the change...too funny.
Usually, when I am out and something funny happens I note it in my phone. Unfortunately, that means that sometimes I can't remember everything that goes along with a quote. This is one of those cases and it's too bad because this quote is hilarious. I have written in my phone, "Don't waste your youth and beauty on your dog, B!tch" Again, wish I had a story for you.
On to things that I do remember. Last Friday, my school hosted a happy hour and I got there and got a weird vibe from the crowd so I sat at the bar and was chatting with the bartender when a slightly older man came over and asked if I wanted to try his beer. Uhhh...the bartender said he bets that happens all the time and I said that usually they are creepier. Right when finishing this sentence a superrr creepy guy comes over and attempts to strike up a conversation with me by saying, "you know, girls get beer bellies too." Even the bartender wrote that one down. He proceeded to ask me if I had eaten and then to tell me that I must be lonely. Thank goodness some friends showed up right after this. I was also told over the weekend that I look old, but of course he meant it as a compliment....I just don't know how that could ever be seen as a compliment. Nice effort gentlemen of the Bay Area!

Cry for help

I try to keep this lighthearted and see the good in living here. But the other night I was truly terrified. I haven't ever really felt scared being here and I personally didn't feel threatened but still...it was a scary night. It was about 1am and I was getting ready for bed when I heard what I thought was my upstairs neighbor (sometimes he walks really heavy or it sounds like he is working out and so I kinda thought it was that...but it was 1am...) And then I heard some man scream, "HELP ME". There was more rustling around and banging on walls and another: SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME! This repeated one more time before I heard my resident manager's voice saying that he had called the police and they were on the way. A little bit later I heard the police come in and escort the man out. I still have no idea what happened to the man but obviously something horrible if he was yelling for his life. Aside from horror films, I've never heard anyone so scared and yelling for help like that. So if you're the praying type - he could probably use a couple of your prayers. Poor fella.
On a lighter note, I was out the other night and met a group of people in town for a convention and we were walking from one bar to another and apparently, I told them, "Don't worry about the homeless people, you just have to nudge them to make sure they're still alive."
I'm classy, what can I say?

New Boyfriend!

Don't worry, Mom and Dad...I met a great guy here in SF. He tall (sorta), dark, and...umm...well, I'm gonna be honest - not so handsome. He lives on the corner of Ellis and Mason, literally, on the corner. He likes to smoke two cigarettes at a time and has dreadlocks (probably not on purpose but most likely because of years without a shower). He looks about 50. And he offered to be my boyfriend yesterday. Seems like a good offer, right parents? No? Okay, well good thing I laughed at him...probably not nice of me. He told me he was serious and I told him that I believed it. So actually, I don't have a new boyfriend - but I'm sure if I ventured down to that corner I could track him down. Odds are I'll go down Cyril Magnin from now on...

Drums

I'm writing this from bed because I was about to fall asleep when the sounds of drums came blaring into my apartment. Shortly after the drums started the tambourine joined and a keyboard. It sounds like they must be on the street playing and I can tell you now, my upstairs neighbor is not thrilled. The drumming began about 10 minutes ago and now it sounds as though the authorities are here - not a bad response time for a noise violation.

While I'm writing I might as well fill you in on my night. I attended a fund raising event at a bar with my friend Elyse. The bar was hot and far too crowded to move so we left early to grab dinner. On our walk, literally around the corner, we overheard 3 amazing conversations. (side note: more police just showed up) the first conversation we only heard this: "on the plus side, it's gonna be the largest collection of clean vaginas I've ever seen." I mean...good for that guy, I guess. (Tambourine) The second phrase we overheard was simple three words: "huge douchebag factory". I can only assume they were referring to the fund raiser we were just at considering it was the only place around. I can tell you where it is if you wanna go to a huge douchebag factory. And finally, and this was a very serious conversation clearly being help by intellectuals: "Gaelic has nothing to do with being gay, it's totally different." Well, thank you for clearing that up kind sir. (Tambourine and singing.) Then we arrived at Brandy Ho's which has "Absolutely no MSG" and LOTS of spelling errors on their menu. On the walk home I was told by a man on my street that if I needed an escort he'd be happy to walk me home and that he's got my back and won't let anything happen to me. I said I was good and thanked him for the protection.

I'm gonna end this post (and then put my earplugs in again) by telling you how funny I am. My first week here my friend Matt invited me to a foursquare party, for those of you who think I went and played handball, I got gyped, there was no handball...it was a party with people who work for the company, foursquare. Anyway, we got on the subject of MC Hammer, little did I know he's a big deal in the tech world...much later in the night we were talking about how online, Matt is known as "MG"...and so it began... MG Hammer. Clever, I know. Naturally, I changed his name in my phone to MG Hammer and now every time he texts I chuckle about how funny I am, even in public. (another person joined in the singing - they probably shouldn't have - yikes)

Goodnight! (Flute)